A couple years ago, I had a dentist appointment where the dental hygienist took my blood pressure. Apparently, that was something that they were introducing to their routine. The dental hygienist got a reading on my blood pressure and then said to me, "ya know, you have high blood pressure for someone your age. You should go see a doctor and have that checked out."
I was really offended when I first heard that. Where was she expecting my blood pressure to be? She was about to stab my gums with sharp metal instruments, and then yell at me for liking candy and soda too much. Am I supposed to be cool as a cucumber when you take a steak-knife to a sensitive, fleshy part of my body? And then she would probably just make me brush and floss my teeth in front of her, so that she can yell at me, and tell me I'm doing it wrong.
But really, what's the point in taking my blood pressure there. No matter what it is, they're not going to be able to do anything about it. My blood pressure could be slightly too high, or it could be at a- "HOLY SHIT Dick Cheney, you're going to have another heart attack!!!!!"- level, and they'd still have to tell me to see a certified professional. BECAUSE HYGIENISTS DEAL WITH TEETH AND NOT THE CARDIOVASCULAR SYSTEM!
So what's next? "We have added a new procedure to your sixth-month checkup. We now start by checking all of our patients' prostates. I hope that does't make you too nervous, because we're going to check your blood pressure immediately after. Uh-oh, there's something wrong with your prostate. You should probably see a specialist. But then again, this isn't what I went to school for, so I'm not really qualified to give you advice on this anyway."
If they want me to have a lower blood pressure at the dentist, then they're going to have a add a few more kitten posters to the ceiling, and crank up the John Tesh! Because I'm still feeling a little anxious about the inside of my mouth getting poked by your metal stick with the razor on the end of it!
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